Saturday, March 25

Utah Life

My husband is coming up on his eighteen year mark active duty.
It's been a long, hard journey. but also full of joy and laughter.
Everyone in our family is ready to settle, and hopefully, next summer, it will become a reality.
We have a new addition to our family.  My little brother is now the eldest out of our children we are raising.  He has been a great addition and we LOVE seeing him grow in ways he couldn't before because of the environment he was in.
Please pray for healing for my parents.  I hope and pray that the right person/people will be set in their path so that they can have the opportunity to live a life full of joy and peace for the remainder of their days here.  Because of weakness and sin, they continue to dig pits for themselves and have no ability to take full responsibility, a willingness to do what they need to to change. I believe that because of their high anxiety and stress levels, they have justified themselves in abusing and using their children (and it has gotten much worse over time).  There is no respect, no sense of  encouragement or praise-only high levels of anxiety and stress that is released through hurting each other and my little sister emotionally, and my sister physically/mentally, and through spending money...any money they can get their hands on.  My little brother is blooming at a rate I cannot describe being in an environment where he can figure out who he is and gain confidence in doing things that a twelve year old ought to be able to do.  He was so controlled and punished because of his "oddness".  To me, we are all odd, and that doesn't mean we should be afraid; we should humble ourselves and get the help we need when we need it and choose to be the best version of ourselves.  Now, he can do that.
I understand my parents because I do have all the weaknesses they do.  I recognize when my behavior and way of being starts to become abusive and selfish (when I'm not on anxiety medicine, it comes quickly, without warning); and know the need to get professional help (which I've had to do for the past fourteen years because of my severe depression/anxiety).  If they could have a clean slate, a clear mind to begin with, they could create new pathways of behavior and learn their own worth and be healed.

That is all I want for them!  They are both on the verge of loosing everything (filed for bankruptcy a third time) or being committed to a mental institution (or prison).  I don't know which will come first. I know God is watching over them...and I cannot allow my Mom to be a part of my life until she gets help.  She is toxic, and yet in her heart so pure...oh Jesus, have mercy on us all!  She has no idea what she does constantly.  She justifies everything she does, blaming all of the negative consequences on her adult children, when ninety nine percent of the drama that happens within our family, she is the cause of; when her adult children call her out, she is the victim, so mistreated even though we've tolerated SO much with patience and love.  She recently did something that could easily give her five years prison and ten thousand dollars penalty in order to get access to more money through her children.  I don't know what it's gonna take for her to come down to earth again because she lives in her own world from the way she views each of her children (she's missing out on some incredible people!), to the way she works the system to her benefit, to the way she treats the dogs and people around has gotten much worse than I realized...

There are SEVEN out of FOURTEEN who have completely cut off contact and disowned my parents.  We have done all we can to try to get them the help they need. I think they expect us to give freely of our money the way we did all growing up.  I might be just like them except that I am married to a meticulous planner and saver.
My husband had offered to take over their finances, and come up with a plan that would get them out of debt and be able to save a little for retirement.  We have taken on my little brother and all of his needs...he is doing so WELL by the way!  There was so much projected onto him by them. They had no confidence in him because they've lost all confidence in themselves.  How healing is needed for my sweet parents. If you are reading this, please pray for them.  I believe their intentions are good.

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