Two Months

Two months have passed since my love went half way around the world for a job.  Two months of missing him...two months of doing all I can to hold our family together.  I have been falling apart like never before.  I have had to ask for help-and even when I haven't asked for it and needed it, it has come.  Two months of feeling my weakest ever, exposed, vulnerable, all of my worst out there for the world to witness-bawling at church nearly every week~being surprised and ashamed multiple times when people have come to help me clean and my house is in shambles because not only can I not find motivation to do these things, but have been a mental, emotional mess.  My kids have been going through their own adjustment period, and it has been rough.

Well, things are starting to be okay again.  Even though I still seriously lack motivation, at least I am doing better at meeting their needs...at helping them to feel loved and cared for while they're missing their daddy.  I had no idea how much my heart would ache for him every single day, and I'm certain they feel the same.

Deployment sucks.  I admired military wives before, but now that I have truly been broken into military life~I have an even greater respect and admiration for them (especially wives of marines, navy seals, and army-who are consistently separated for months and years at a time).  Wow have I been spoiled. We are doing it though.  Never felt weaker in my capacity to perform my responsibilities. I feel broken without him.  But I am determined to move past it and to succeed while he is away. I have his support and love from a distance.  I have all the support I could dream of here all around me.  And somehow, I'll learn to do well in my calling right now.

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