Wednesday, July 11

Great Things

I've been struggling with depression this entire pregnancy.  Usually if I struggle with it during, it lets up a little after the baby is born.  That is why I am looking forward to Joshua being born...well of course, there are many other good reasons why I look forward to him being born, but for selfish reasons, I'll be so happy to not have to deal with depression.  It's not fun while trying to take care of a family and home.  If I do fulfill my responsibilities, it's with a lot of irritability and yelling-or the alternative, withdrawing.  Not fun for my kids or anyone else.  Life is just plain hard sometimes.  And I do not handle it well when my brain is not working right.

My husband has a job that is really taxing-and stressful.  So he comes home, and has not much left to give.  We do our best to have family night, family scripture study and prayer together, but that's most the extent of attention we get from him-which is hard.  It's just a hard time.  I look forward to Josh being born also because he'll get a break from work and we can just focus on our little family together.  I know he enjoys that much more.  Our vacation was so awesome for that reason-real life hits hard after spending two weeks just together as a family and having such a great time.

The night after that last post was my first pre-labor.  Second has been Monday night (after cleaning my house spotless that evening).  So I've felt a little sleep deprived lately, but nothing like what I've been through in the past.

They just found a leak in our Ohio home behind the paint cans in the closet-years of mold and bacteria build up.  Most likely that was a contributing factor to my kids being sick all the time (most extreme in the first nine months of living in that house)-oh what a difference our family's health and good sleep has made!!  Glad they are getting that taken care of for future families.

Despite the difficulties I face now, I still feel that Albuquerque has been, overall a great blessing place for me.  I cannot help but express my gratitude for the strength and faith the Lord has given me through my many trials in marriage and child-bearing.  I am so much better now at dealing with day to day life, and also keeping an eternal perspective in moments of sheer exhaustion (which come often these days).

I love the Lord and his Gospel.  I truly believe that it is the answer to any of life's questions and struggles.  The words of living prophet's and apostles are inspired and powerful in our day.

My all time favorite scripture is "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  I've always believed it, but not until going through some of the most harrowing trials of my life, have I had the chance to really put it into practice.  And I can testify more strongly today than I could ten years ago, that this is true.

I'm thankful for my marriage-my children-my parents and siblings, and  my in-laws.  I have a great family all around.  And though I feel lonely being a military wife, my appreciation for extended family has grown since being away.  My social skills have grown a ton too out of necessity.  I'm thankful for my friends-they are amazing.


Hart Family said...

Rache! I can empathize completely! I hope that as your pregnancy progresses (and ends!) you will find those feelings of depression lift. I actually struggle more AFTER my babies are born, so it's nice you have an end in sight. Hang in there sista! Sure love you!

Rachael Wheeler said...

I know what you mean, Tara. My worst has been after the babies are born too. But I found that the last pregnancy I struggled this badly, I had a good three-four month break after she was born before it hit hard again for ten months. I just remember with my last, during pregnancy, mood-wise I was smooth sailing, and happy. Pretty much right after she was born, within a couple weeks I had to go check myself into the mental health clinic and get medicated-it was extreme. We'll see how this goes. I've got all that I need to handle it if it is a problem. Last few weeks of pregnancy are always really hard.

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