Fear

I just had a bit of an epiphany about myself.  I think I've allowed fear to rule too much in my life.  And I think that's why I've been able to go through some of the hardest experiences I've ever gone through in the past three years.  I have such a desire to have great faith.
Was reading Joseph Smith's vision, and was able to pin point the difference between him and me.  I allow things to stop me, and cripple me when there's a fear and have failed to work past it in a few areas in my life.  Fear of not being understood, appreciated, fear of being rejected, fear of the unknown.  I'm sure some of you can relate.  These are pretty normal human tendencies. It's what we choose to do with them that makes the difference in the degree of our power over them, like any weakness.

 I have not been really fulfilling my responsibilities to the best of my ability in certain areas because I have lost all desire and motivation - rooted out of fear.  I would have never come to this understanding of where my inability to do simple tasks has stemmed from, had I not turned to the Lord, and the scriptures.
I am truly grateful for Him and the direction and light He brings into my mind when I ask for it.  Such a miracle.

I also realized that I'm not a very strong person in general, well at least not nearly as strong as I'd like to be.  My only strengths have come from doing really hard things despite my fears.  So many things have come naturally to me in life, and I've completely avoided things that were hard.  I see myself as very underdeveloped and weak in those areas I've avoided.  Could it be obsessive-avoidance disorder?  I'm sure someone's got a label for it.

Faith cannot dwell where fear is.  My natural tendency is fear, my greatest desire is faith.  I need to start working really hard in one area at a time in order to accomplish this goal and desire.

Seems so simple, I know.  But it is a great discovery in my personal life looking back on all the experiences I've had as a teenager and young adult and why things played out the way they did, why I'm seriously lacking in areas, and so strong in others.  There is a reason I feel like nothing more than a little girl when put in certain situations.  I have not yet developed past that level of maturity because I've avoided these types of situations like a plague.  In other settings, I can feel like a powerful warrior, or a wise old soul.  I don't think that we will be nearly  credited or rewarded for those skills and capabilities that came with little effort on our part.  My hardest work yet is ahead of me.

I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ and know I would not be able to excel in this manner if I did not have it, or did not take advantage of what I've been given.

I know God lives and guides us personally when we simply ask.  He loves us each dearly and loves to see us progress and discover our own potential!  Us who are parents, or even those who have experience with true empathy, can understand how our children's (or others') joy and sorrow becomes our own very quickly when our intentions are rooted in love.  I need to do more things out of love, and less out of fear.
He wants so much to share with us those things that would lift our hearts and enlighten and enable us to change and to lead more productive, and fulfilling lives.  After all, He is our loving Father.

"...Perfect love casteth out all fear." (1 John 4:18, Moroni 8:16)

Comments

L C M said…
You inspired me to day Rach. I have been reflecting a lot on a quote given in Relief Society this week. Joseph Smith, "... the devil flatters us that we are very righteous, when we are feeding on the faults of others." This is where my weakness lies. It stung my soul. I too know I have a long way to go. I loved your words when you wrote, "I don't think that we will be nearly credited or rewarded for those skills and capabilities that came with little effort on our part." I think we will only be credited for our evolution in this life through the atonement. I have been praying that I will have an evolution in my life. Love ya girl.

Lisa
Mom W. said…
You quoted one of my favorite scriptures - love does cast out fear. You are stronger in more areas than you realize. You are full of love and so many, many love you. Enjoy each day and look for the tender blessings that are all around you. Love you so much!
Very well said! You really carry the spirit with you. I enjoy reading your blog, and all of your thoughts that you put out for everyone to read. Fear is a problem..I think it is hard for everyone. I love the scripture you quoted! If we could just all remember to put our love first, wouldn't we ALL be better people!

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