Monday, November 30

For you Mom

I had a great conversation with my Mother over the phone tonight.  I love tapping into her insight from experience in marriage.  She says my posts are too long, so this one is shorter just for you, Mom.
We both came to the conclusion that when it comes to marriage, we can't hold on to resentment. It destroys relationships like nothing else really quickly.

 So although it can be extremely hard at times, life is more simple and joyful when we can just let go completely of the past, and forgive fully. We are all so imperfect.  We all make mistakes and have regrets. We must forgive as we'd like to be forgiven.

     I love my eternal sweetheart and know he does his best to fulfill his responsibilities each day.  He is a great man, and if I choose to, I can find great joy in looking at him from a larger perspective than the here and now of weakness and strength combined.
When I choose to, his weaknesses and faults can grow until I think I married a monster.   It's about choices.  What voices we choose to heed that bring joy or misery in marriage.

I am so THANKFUL for my husband!  For all that he is and all that I can see in his future with ME.  He is a pretty darn good guy all around-and my equal in more ways I'm discovering, we were truly prepared for each other and continue to grow.  I need to continue to let go of things I've been holding onto, and move forward in faith.  The fear and faith thing...again.  My future already seems more bright.

Tuesday, November 17


I just had a bit of an epiphany about myself.  I think I've allowed fear to rule too much in my life.  And I think that's why I've been able to go through some of the hardest experiences I've ever gone through in the past three years.  I have such a desire to have great faith.
Was reading Joseph Smith's vision, and was able to pin point the difference between him and me.  I allow things to stop me, and cripple me when there's a fear and have failed to work past it in a few areas in my life.  Fear of not being understood, appreciated, fear of being rejected, fear of the unknown.  I'm sure some of you can relate.  These are pretty normal human tendencies. It's what we choose to do with them that makes the difference in the degree of our power over them, like any weakness.

 I have not been really fulfilling my responsibilities to the best of my ability in certain areas because I have lost all desire and motivation - rooted out of fear.  I would have never come to this understanding of where my inability to do simple tasks has stemmed from, had I not turned to the Lord, and the scriptures.
I am truly grateful for Him and the direction and light He brings into my mind when I ask for it.  Such a miracle.

I also realized that I'm not a very strong person in general, well at least not nearly as strong as I'd like to be.  My only strengths have come from doing really hard things despite my fears.  So many things have come naturally to me in life, and I've completely avoided things that were hard.  I see myself as very underdeveloped and weak in those areas I've avoided.  Could it be obsessive-avoidance disorder?  I'm sure someone's got a label for it.

Faith cannot dwell where fear is.  My natural tendency is fear, my greatest desire is faith.  I need to start working really hard in one area at a time in order to accomplish this goal and desire.

Seems so simple, I know.  But it is a great discovery in my personal life looking back on all the experiences I've had as a teenager and young adult and why things played out the way they did, why I'm seriously lacking in areas, and so strong in others.  There is a reason I feel like nothing more than a little girl when put in certain situations.  I have not yet developed past that level of maturity because I've avoided these types of situations like a plague.  In other settings, I can feel like a powerful warrior, or a wise old soul.  I don't think that we will be nearly  credited or rewarded for those skills and capabilities that came with little effort on our part.  My hardest work yet is ahead of me.

I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ and know I would not be able to excel in this manner if I did not have it, or did not take advantage of what I've been given.

I know God lives and guides us personally when we simply ask.  He loves us each dearly and loves to see us progress and discover our own potential!  Us who are parents, or even those who have experience with true empathy, can understand how our children's (or others') joy and sorrow becomes our own very quickly when our intentions are rooted in love.  I need to do more things out of love, and less out of fear.
He wants so much to share with us those things that would lift our hearts and enlighten and enable us to change and to lead more productive, and fulfilling lives.  After all, He is our loving Father.

"...Perfect love casteth out all fear." (1 John 4:18, Moroni 8:16)

Friday, November 6

Our Date

Last night, Hyrum and I stayed up for an hour or more, just talking.  He talked about his frustrations, those things that make him happy, and what he wants more of.  He wants to go on a date with me once a week, and for Daddy to help him more with his homework.  He is loving Kindergarten, and does really well, but expects perfection.  He said he missed some yesterday.
So, tonight, I took him to his friend's Birthday party at Chuck-E-Cheese's.  We got a picture together but for some reason, it is not letting me upload it after scanning it in; it doesn't look very clear anyway.  So here is his Kindergarten picture instead. It was lots of fun, and I'm thankful to have him as my son.

Monday, November 2

My Little Sweeties

These are the days I treasure.  All they say and do will soon only be sweet memories.  I love you my children!

Stellaluna and Cardboard Butterflies

  My thoughts have been turned to a famous LDS blogger.  Josh Weed is his name. He had come out with a post about four years ago decla...