Wednesday, October 7


This is a venting session.

So, here's the deal. Our schools here are rated nines and tens. They are top quality schools. And it is because of the structure and strictness to obey the rules by the faculty that probably makes it that way.

Today was picture day. We had received a paper informing us of picture day over the weekend. So I knew it was coming up. I hadn't seen any sort of order form, however. So this morning, after I dropped Hyrum off at school, while unloading the girls I saw the order form on the floor of the van (Hyrum must have pulled it out of his back pack when I picked him up the previous weekend). I went into the school to pay for the pictures and fill out the order form with the girls.

First stop, the office to ask them how to go about this. After I sat and filled everything out, I looked through my purse to find that my check book was missing (all this with two rambunctious little girls to keep sitting and quiet). They suggested I go talk to the photographer right out in the hall about possibly bringing in the money the following day. Well, the photographer was busy getting kids to pose and shooting. Since my girls were having a hard time listening and staying close, and since Hyrum's class was right around the corner, I decided to go hand Mrs. Hughes the order form I had filled out and let her know I'd be right back with the check that I was going to drive home and back for.

She was fine with that. On my way out, a woman who seems to enforce most rules and who has stopped me before because I wasn't following their code, stopped me and explained the following; the Kindergartener's would have their pictures taken on the other end of the school where the teacher's lounge is, and that I should take the check directly there after stopping at the office for directions.

I went out to my van, found my check book had fallen out of my purse in the van, and this time decided to put one of the girls in the stroller, and carry the other to keep them better contained.
I went back in, was going to stop at the office but saw it as a huge burden. So instead of trying to open the door with both hands very full and cram that tiny office to ask for directions, I decided to simply go, hand off the check quickly and get out of there.
As I walked down the hall, I asked one of the faculty if she'd tell me where the teacher's lounge was. She was generous and cheerful and I was pretty close. So I followed her directions. As I neared the teacher's lounge, three women almost glaring asked questions like, "Excuse me, what are you looking for?" and "Can I help you?" but not in a friendly way, like I was intruding on their premises and they were in a hurry to get me out of there. I told them no thank you, I didn't need help - I was heading toward the teacher's lounge to pay for my son's pictures and kept walking. They continued to glare as I walked past. I found Hyrum immediately at the end of the line just inside the door, and his teacher Mrs. Hughes right beside. I handed her the check and was on my way back when one woman stopped me and scolded me like a child that I needed to stop at the office before doing this. I told her I had stopped earlier, and that another woman explained to me that I needed to go hand the money over myself in the teacher's lounge.
She went on and on and said, "WEll, you have no idea what we have to deal with here. We need you the stop by the office before doing anything..." and on. I felt like saying back to her, "You have no idea what I have to deal with being a military wife, a mother of three small children and pregnant with a fourth. You think you have a stressful life. I dare you to step in my shoes for a good week and see how much respect you might gain for me after that!"

These two times in which I've been scolded as a child at my son's school, and the many times strangers have thought I was twenty or in my early twenties (yes, they've mentioned this several times) and look at me strangely when I pass by with three young children, make me feel like a bit of a misfit. I got it so much in LA. Constant glares and comments. So, I have learned to stand up for myself. I've learned a lot about what my limitations are and to let go those things that truly don't matter. Using my brain instead of following all of society's unwritten rules.

I just get frustrated when I'm doing my best as a young mother and how much effort it takes to bring small children anywhere, and try to keep up with my many responsibilities while being pregnant, and getting scolded over something so insignificant but that is obviously their entire world...I guess stay at home Mom's just don't fit in with standards now days. It's a fast paced, controlled world with schedules and regulations that everyone needs to abide by. What ever happened to being a little understanding? A little patient? Nothing refines you and gives you those qualities like motherhood. It's a language most in this world don't understand anymore because it's all about ME, what I can get out of it and accomplish.

Overall, I haven't seen this mindset nearly as much as in LA, here. But, I certainly do run into them more and more often lately. Priorities all screwed up. No sense of the eternal nature of things, and what is truly important in life. It's a dog eat dog world. Peace is going out the window along with most stable and loving homes. I am standing up for and defending the very thing that would cause greater peace and harmony in this world, that would solve so many problems.


Cynthia said...

So if you had stopped in the office, would they give you a hall pass, or an award for stopping in or what? How is that lady to know that you didn't go there first? Yikes.
I'm learning that I need to attempt to be the nice mom, take more responsibility for things that happen with my son, etc. But there are times that I feel like it's me vs. the teacher and school. Good luck-

Kelsey said...

I love reading your posts. Now, not because you're having a hard time, but because of the perspective that you have. You are just so intelligent and I have learned so much from you.

I'm sorry that you had to experience these ordeals at your son's school. The place you send him in hopes that he'll learn only the best things...and I too see people turning into these robot-like people, glaring at me as I haul my shopping cart into the restroom marked "no merchandise." What else am I suppose to do when my toddler is yelling to go the bathroom and I've got the baby strapped into the cart. Leave him outside the door? Put him on the dirty floor? Being a parent, with more than one child-or children close in age, is just not socially accepted anymore. And that is so sad. I'm so happy to see people like you, fighting for us.

Aaron and Sassy Lewis said...

Okay, so it sounds pretty bad, but they have rules in place to protect your child. The teacher has 20 or more children to take care of and it is difficult for them to be able to do it all. That is why there are rules. Most schools lock all other doors but the door by the office. At Beverly Gardens, during school hours, the only option for you to get into the school is to go directly into the office and start from there.

I am sorry this happened on one of those days for you, but the rules are there to protect all children. Hopefully life will slow down a bit for you.

Nay said...

Hey! I stumbled on your blog, I hope you don't mind! Honestly, you should have taught my lesson on Sunday! We all need to slow down and realize what is important in life. And that being a SAH Mom is greatest, toughest, thankless, and most fulfilling and unfulfilling job in the whole world. You have great kids and that is because you're a great mom! Anyway, the next time someone looks at you like you're a super young mom just think of it as a compliment that you're still beautiful! :-)

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