Monday, November 24

I Can

With Mommyhood comes a certain point of exhaustion and a certain temptation to give up after endlessly giving your all, with little visibility of why.

I've come to the conclusion that all good, decent human beings who are parents, simply do what they can to love their children and meet their basic needs.  How poorly or how well we do isn't capable of being measured by man or society.  God alone knows what internal struggles we face daily, and just how well we are indeed, succeeding.

So, with that said, I know I can be the Mommy I've always wanted to be, eventually.  My children will be blessed through me because of my  Father in Heaven's willingness to  work with and change me for the best.  Truly, through marriage and parenthood, I have been torn down in that, I've realized that I'm not quite the person I thought I was.  Because of this realization, it has opened up new possibilities and my foundation for a new and more glorious tabernacle is beginning to be laid.

I love my Savior.  
He knows and loves me.
I will succeed because of that knowledge.

Sunday, November 16


The Columbus Temple was  absolutely beautiful.  It was snowing and raining on our way there and raining on our way home, but the kids did great and our babysitter enjoyed it.  It's not chicken pox apparently.  They've had fevers, runny noses and all sorts of outbreaks, Hyrum with cold and canker sores, and Ginnie with little raised bumps all over her body.  Angela and Hyrum have different skin problems.  So, hopefully now that we figured out what some things are, their immune systems will begin building back up again.

Our Temple trip was much needed.  It helped put things back into perspective and reminded me of how blessed I am.  My heart was full of gratitude that I have an eternal companion.  I'm more determined than ever to change my bad habits and just choose to do better in specific areas.

I love the Lord, I love to serve in His Holy Temple.  I love my Daniel.  I love my sweet babies. 

Friday, November 14

Alright, we get to attend the temple tomorrow and I only have the office and my room to do tomorrow morning.  I'm a little concerned about Angela because she was glued to me all day with the way she's feeling...but she did have a few times today where she was miss hypomania-she was into and onto everything!  I think she gets a little more hyperactive when she's hurting (teething, fever etc.).  We'll see how things turn out.  I'd better warn the babysitter and ask if she's had chicken-pox before.  As for Ginnie, she's going on day three with underwear and has only had one big accident...even today when  she was feeling quite rebellious about it, she ran and got on by herself and had a really small accident but made it mostly on the potty.  She's doing great.  
Here are pictures of the kids' little mobiles with  things that have an 'r' in them. 
This is Ginnie's
 This is Hyrum's
 I was trying to take this of Hyrum and Angela with photobooth, but Angela kept looking at me and smiling, afraid I was going somewhere. 
 Nonetheless, I thought was cute.
What a productive day.  I'm goin' to bed now pretty early for me but I need it.  Gotta love Ginnie's pasted look in this one.

Thursday, November 13

We've been working on letters and potty-training lately.  
This morning, we learned the letter L.  We try to do a letter every day, learn the sound, then do some sort of craft or art work that helps us learn it.  Yesterday we did play dough.  Today, construction paper.
Hyrum wanted a red Lightening McQueen, and La La Rose.  La La Rose is a book we checked out last week that the kids couldn't get enough of.  I enjoyed it thoroughly as well. It was written and illustrated by an asian woman and was about a little stuffed rabbit called La La Rose.  Anyway, we had fun doing that this morning.  
Ginnie is getting the hang of going potty all the time.  Whenever she asks for a diaper, I tell her, "Ginnie, you're a big girl now.  No more diapers."  She's long past due and I've run out of excuses other than I'm being lazy because now it's just a matter of taking away the crutch that's holding her back.  She's more like a four-year-old in maturity so there really is no excuse for her to be wearing diapers anymore.  She fights still...but I think this is it.

I've seen a trace of chicken pox on both Hyrum and Ginnie.  Just glad Angela isn't a new born and will hopefully handle it just fine.
Angela is loving all the different foods I'm giving her now, and also exploring full rooms-and starting to venture into the hallway and peek into other rooms.  She is getting into everything already.  Tomorrow, she'll be seven months.  Hyrum and Ginnie are adorable with her, keeping her occupied with her own toys while they try to resume their regular imaginary games with blocks and other things.  They are the greatest big brother and sister ever.  I swear the Lord knew I'd need their personalities to raise a family at all.  I couldn't do it without them, and they are full of wisdom and love.

I need to do a whole lot more of waiting and listening before reacting with them...because it's when I act out of fear that I'm constantly wanting to control them.  Today, I sat and watched as Hyrum got a little rough with Angela in a boy-like way.  Usually, I'd interfere and remind him in an accusatory tone to be soft.  Instead, I just watched and saw that Angela was enjoying it, she's not exactly a sensitive little girl.  I realized that Hyrum, being as natural as he is with babies, would never hurt her intentionally so that I just need to relax sometimes and let him be a boy.  He's such a good big brother and both of his sister's have absolutely adored him from the first time he held them.  He seems to have such a special bond with both of them.
Lately, I've noticed that Ginnie is just flat out mean towards him when she gets in her teasing moods - and after a while of her torment, Hyrum will sort of blow up and react impulsively, then Ginnie comes a wailin'.  This is so the story of younger vs. older siblings, isn't it?  Some are the other way around, I know.  Still, Hyrum and Ginnie are like two peas in a pod and are best friends.  They work things out by themselves most of the time just fine.  They're quite good at it.  It reminds me of a mini-marriage.  They give and take, they both have their moments of selfishness, being demanding, or bossy.  Whoever is in a better mood will usually accommodate and show great patience with the other.  Every once in a while, they'll both be in a bad mood and all hell breaks loose for a short time.  But soon enough, they're back to their interdependent selves.  They ask for help from each other when needed.  

There are times when I'm not sure who the adults are at our house.  Ginnie will often tell Daddy when he needs to come for scriptures.  Hyrum will tell me when I need to be nice.  We all learn from each other, and they know that even though they're so small in this big world, they can make a difference and their voices will be heard.  They keep me on track...we sure are blessed to have the children we do.  They're wonderful.

I'm so grateful for my husband who shows a great example in almost every area of life for our children.  I love him.  I love them.  I love that we can be together forever and I hope to treasure every conversation or hug I get to share with each of them from now until I grow old.

Wednesday, November 12

Young Women Activity

I wasn't able to go to Church because I had to stay home with Hyrum and Angela last Sunday.  The previous Sunday, however, I had the opportunity to teach the combined Young Women lesson on Being Dependable.  I have no skills in teaching -- and no experience in teaching teenagers.  But, what's important is that I was prepared, the spirit was there, and they seemed to get something out of it.  
Anyway, this past Sunday, I was planning on telling my beehives that I had to change their long-planned scavenger hunt at the last minute because I couldn't just pull things together as far as chaperone's, permission slips etc. since I just took over.
So when they came Tuesday night expecting to go to Walmart and have some real fun, they were pretty disappointed to find that we were going to stay in one room for our activity and I wouldn't tell them what it was until we got there and set up.
I felt a need to just get to know their names to start with.  So we played a bunch of simple, yet extremely  entertaining games with just us and a circle of chairs.  The majority of us were laughing to tears most of the evening.  The name game where you slap the empty chair to your right and call out someone's name before the person in the middle takes over the empty chair was a hoot and helped me to learn their names really  quickly.  After I knew their names at least, we played the blind-folded, pillow, animal sounds game; only I added the categories 'motor vehicles' and 'natural disaster's'.  At least half of the girls couldn't control themselves when the laughing bug got out with this one.

These are fun games to play if you have a large group and little by way of materials available.  I look forward to getting to know the girls better and just being able to be my silly self with them eventually.  That side of me is much better than the guarded, shy and serious side.

I really enjoyed my time and felt that they listened a bit better than my two and four-year-old do...but I'm sure it's only because they don't have to listen to my voice all day every day.  I'm blown away at how mature and well-rounded most of them are.  They remind me more of seventeen-year-olds.  Some great parenting going on around here, that's for sure.

Monday, November 10

My Little Gin

Ginnie is always saying things to make me laugh lately.  I hope to catch more of them sometime.  But this morning, she was singing Bear Necessities from Jungle Book.

"Look foe da beaw necessities, the simple bew necessities-foeget about yoe woeies and yoe stwipes..."

Saturday, November 8

Marriage Between a Man and a Woman

I like the fact that Dan and I have come to the point in our marriage where we can absolutely drive each other crazy, and in the middle of a heated discussion, laugh about something.  Then, within minutes after agreeing to disagree, or realizing that we just don't understand each other, being able to accept it and move on.

I love my best friend.  I always wanted crazy love...not boring love.  I wanted fireworks in the bedroom and out (meaning in "discussing" subjects that we don't quite see eye to eye on).  Well, I guess pretty much all the secret desires of my heart that I can think back to even as  a young teenager that I wanted in my marriage and in every other area of my life, have come to pass.  I never wanted a perfect marriage.  I wanted to grow together and to love someone, to belong to someone.  I knew there would be great trials, and great blessings with marriage.  I believe that with faith, the seemingly impossible becomes possible.  I have an image still of the way I want my marriage to improve, and exactly what I want to be someday.  But, looking back, it's easy to see just how much we've both grown in areas that weren't possible before marrying each other.   At times, when things seem too hard, there is a quiet something that whisper's to my heart that I need to believe in him, in me, in us.  It is God's quiet whispering's that have helped me through the greatest struggles of my life and he continues to give me confidence that everything will be alright.

Let's just say, we strengthen each other, we humble each other, we hurt each other, we love each other, and we learn from our mistakes then share what we've learned with each other.
The point is, we can do all these things together.  That's what marriage is; companionship through the good, the beautiful, the bad and the ugly.  It's love and joy beyond anything else-as well as heart-ache and turmoil at times beyond anything else.  And it's learning to share everything - ourselves as a constant companion, money, children, memories, possessions, relatives, and so forth.  This is why marriage is so refining.  It is selfless.  It's caring about someone else so deeply, that you're willing to let go of your pride and be vulnerable - to apologize when you've done wrong, then to forgive.

He is my man, and I, his woman.
We are becoming one.

The Lord has told us that if we are not one, we are not his.  True love unifies and teaches us interdependence.

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God.  And let's just hope for a moment that somehow, He knew what He was doing when he created us with certain manners, physical body parts, different ways of communicating, thinking and dealing with life that seem to diversify and compliment one another.
Life is grand, isn't it?  Without this sacred unity, there would be none, after all in a perfect world.  And yet, it is because of our own pride, that after we've gained a little knowledge we feel that we can do whatever we'd like to do with our bodies without second thought of our Creator's intentions.

What a prideful and foolish people we become in putting our trust in the arm of flesh.
God knows all.
He sees all.
How can we set ourselves above Him?

I love my God.  I know His ways bring lasting happiness and progression even, eventually, to that life which is like His.  He, being our loving Father wants that for us.

I love all His children alike.

We must listen to remember who we are and our purposes for being here.  I am learning of mine more and more as I seek to listen to His voice rather than the world's which changes direction almost as often as the wind.  God is the same yesterday, today and forever.  Truth is unchanging.  If you are seeking the truth about why you are here, get on your knees and ask.  I promise you that if you walk forward in faith, the answer will come; and with that will follow the greatest sense of fulfillment and happiness your soul has ever felt.
I have experienced this for myself and honestly, I've learned that nothing that is worth the most in this life and in the eternities, is ever easy to attain or preserve.

I believe in miracles today.  I believe in marriage between husband and wife - not only that it can make a difference, but that it can bring greater peace for all.  After all, God is the author of peace.
And for those of you who desire this blessing, it will come.  Walk forward in faith and all your dreams will eventually come true.

Once again, God knows all.  He sees all.  We need to be careful not to set ourselves above Him and think we know what's best...instead, our hearts need to be full of gratitude for every blessing we enjoy right now, and hope for those things we would like to see come to pass.

Believe.  Hope.  Love.  Live.

Stellaluna and Cardboard Butterflies

  My thoughts have been turned to a famous LDS blogger.  Josh Weed is his name. He had come out with a post about four years ago decla...