Sunday, September 7


I think I broke her heart.  She asked the question, I answered, not very eloquently, and I think I broke her heart.
Now that I've had more time to ponder upon the question she asked, I know I should have phrased things a little differently, in order to spare her heart a little.

I know now that what I was feeling the past few weeks, was a sense of idolatry on my part.  I've been blessed to have someone clean for me, occasionally cook, and watch my kids any time I've needed her. I have enjoyed this time immensely.  But my personality is such, that I don't like staying in a stagnant place for very long.  Really, I am needing and ready to grow again. She was my lifesaver, she was pure joy and light to my heart during a really difficult time.  But I know now that it is right for us both to move on with our progression.  I didn't want her to take it personally, and yet I knew how deeply it would hurt to feel like I was pushing her out.  And so, I was going to just leave it in the Lord's hands and asked that He let her know when it was time, that opportunities would present themselves, and that she would be able to see those and move forward successfully, happily, and blessed.

She asked a question, and demanded an answer, that I tell her the truth.  And so I did.  I think I broke her heart…and it's breaking mine.

Sunday, December 15

Two Months

Two months have passed since my love went half way around the world for a job.  Two months of missing him...two months of doing all I can to hold our family together.  I have been falling apart like never before.  I have had to ask for help-and even when I haven't asked for it and needed it, it has come.  Two months of feeling my weakest ever, exposed, vulnerable, all of my worst out there for the world to witness-bawling at church nearly every week~being surprised and ashamed multiple times when people have come to help me clean and my house is in shambles because not only can I not find motivation to do these things, but have been a mental, emotional mess.  My kids have been going through their own adjustment period, and it has been rough.

Well, things are starting to be okay again.  Even though I still seriously lack motivation, at least I am doing better at meeting their helping them to feel loved and cared for while they're missing their daddy.  I had no idea how much my heart would ache for him every single day, and I'm certain they feel the same.

Deployment sucks.  I admired military wives before, but now that I have truly been broken into military life~I have an even greater respect and admiration for them (especially wives of marines, navy seals, and army-who are consistently separated for months and years at a time).  Wow have I been spoiled. We are doing it though.  Never felt weaker in my capacity to perform my responsibilities. I feel broken without him.  But I am determined to move past it and to succeed while he is away. I have his support and love from a distance.  I have all the support I could dream of here all around me.  And somehow, I'll learn to do well in my calling right now.

Monday, November 11


I have been in the longest rut of my life (it feels like, anyway).  It started two months before my husband left...and finally, I'm starting to get motivation to do what I need to be doing!  I am actually looking forward to all the projects I have in mind to transform our house (including painting walls, hanging shelves for organization etc.) so that he can come home in five more months to the surprise of his life.  He will also get a brand new baby about a month after he arrives.  Change is good! I will try to remember to take pictures as I go along.  May or may not remember.  But the vision gives me motivation to get my house in order...I am so thankful to be out of that darkness finally.  Stay tuned!

Sunday, October 13


I am loving fall so far.  We went to a pumpking foods play group a couple days ago~then spent the evening at the balloon fiesta.  Yesterday, I was able to make a large load of freezer meals with my best friend whiler her husband watched my kids.  At least twenty six meals worth.  I am exhausted and a couple of my kids are still fighting bad coughs, so I decided to stay home and rest today.  We've watched a session of general conference, made plans for homemade costumes, and are now sitting and watching a family movie.  And not to forget the highlight of our weekend, we got to skype with Daddy.  It's such a great convenience being able to see his face and hear his voice...and also good to see that he has put on some weight.  You will all know why that is good if you see some of our most recent family pictures.   I wish I had taken some pictures of these fun things~but I find that living in the moment is definitely best.  It's been a blessed week!~I love my family and my life.  At least someone got pictures of our best event this weekend!  He's enjoying it so far.  And interestingly, one of my good friends from Ohio's husband is who my husband is taking over for.  Small military world for sure.

Sunday, September 22

Together Apart

Well, we're on the homestretch to this new adventure.   Soon enough, my husband will be gone for several months to aid in defending our country.  My babies are growing up, and I couldn't be more happy with where I'm at in life.  I am prepared in every way to experience this, and both he and I actually look forward to it.  Our hearts are one~and our goals are the same.  I just hope our baby doesn't forget his name!  He has grown in love with his daddy in the past little while.  They all love him dearly.  I am a little nervous about how they'll take it.  I hope and pray for the Lord's direction in knowing how to meet their needs well while he is out of the picture.  They are truly the most wonderful children, which helps me out a lot in this situation.  I am truly blessed!
( These were all taken by me, and edited by me.  I am excited for this new found skill!)

My oldest two

The boys

Climbing trees

In the tunnel

Playing with worms

My baby!

Second grader


All of these came from me? They are amazing! 
Blonde babies
Sibling Love