Wednesday, November 5

Been a While

It has been a great while since I last wrote.  I have had a bigger taste of growth than perhaps I felt prepared for recently…but grateful to be progressing once again. Many happenings as of late.

Emmalee, my baby just turned five months old.  She is not only scooting, but often attempts to crawl~flopping to the ground as she moves forward.  She is a tall, beautiful baby, who thinks a lot and is determined, just as her two year old brother to master everything as quickly as possible.  These little ones seem to come a little more intelligent and strong willed all the time.  My Joshua is an athlete, intelligent beyond his years (all TWO of them--you'd think he was six the way he acts and talks), and persistent in all he does.  My beautiful babies are such a blessing to me and countless others.
Hyrum is learning the reality of increased responsibility as he grows older.  He continues to be an awesome help with the younger children, and around the house, does whatever I ask of him with little complaint.  Virginia is struggling through this eight year old phase, and we have recently realized the cause of much of her hardship.  She has been experiencing partial complex seizures…and now that she has words, and a voice to express what happens, she is experiencing them less frequently and feels much more support than she had previously.  She continues to be well advanced academically and in most areas, and is beginning to outgrow her older brother.
Angela grows more beautiful and adorable with each year.  If she eats chocolate, anxiety gets the best of her, and she begins to think that she doesn't belong in our family.  But most of the time, she seems to LOVE being in our family, and we absolutely couldn't imagine it without her.
Sarah is our happy girl, who seems to always be performing a musical.  She keeps peace being between more high maintenance personalities, but when they've pushed her too far, her temper comes quickly.  She enjoys her music theory class, and Josh and I enjoy learning with her as we practice her homework with her.  Our home is chaotic and out of order, but full of laughter and joy.

I feel that the second coming is near.  We all have a great part in this work.  I have felt the need to do family history, and to dedicate more of my time to helping our ancestors in whatever way I can.  We truly cannot do it without them, as they cannot do it without us.

Other than raising children, and beginning to work on indexing, my husband and I have been blessed in our marriage.  We are realizing more and more that we have been blessed far beyond what we deserve with the children in our home~and want to be doing right by them.  Our responsibility is to prepare them for this world in every way.  That is a big responsibility.  I treasure each moment I get to spend speaking to them of things which are of utmost importance eternally. I marvel at their insight and understanding at such tender ages.  And I pray that I will continue to be guided and strengthened in my endeavors concerning them.  I am so thankful to be their mother.  I am so thankful to have a husband who loves me, supports me in my calling, and is an incredible father. I am thankful for the blessings of the Temple.  How I hope and pray for the spirit of discernment in teaching and training them.  How I know that I have a lot of help here and on the other side in raising them up to be mighty sons and daughters of God, in example and testimony.  How I love my Savior for making this privilege possible.

Sunday, September 7

Eva

I think I broke her heart.  She asked the question, I answered, not very eloquently, and I think I broke her heart.
Now that I've had more time to ponder upon the question she asked, I know I should have phrased things a little differently, in order to spare her heart a little.

I know now that what I was feeling the past few weeks, was a sense of idolatry on my part.  I've been blessed to have someone clean for me, occasionally cook, and watch my kids any time I've needed her. I have enjoyed this time immensely.  But my personality is such, that I don't like staying in a stagnant place for very long.  Really, I am needing and ready to grow again. She was my lifesaver, she was pure joy and light to my heart during a really difficult time.  But I know now that it is right for us both to move on with our progression.  I didn't want her to take it personally, and yet I knew how deeply it would hurt to feel like I was pushing her out.  And so, I was going to just leave it in the Lord's hands and asked that He let her know when it was time, that opportunities would present themselves, and that she would be able to see those and move forward successfully, happily, and blessed.

She asked a question, and demanded an answer, that I tell her the truth.  And so I did.  I think I broke her heart…and it's breaking mine.

Sunday, December 15

Two Months

Two months have passed since my love went half way around the world for a job.  Two months of missing him...two months of doing all I can to hold our family together.  I have been falling apart like never before.  I have had to ask for help-and even when I haven't asked for it and needed it, it has come.  Two months of feeling my weakest ever, exposed, vulnerable, all of my worst out there for the world to witness-bawling at church nearly every week~being surprised and ashamed multiple times when people have come to help me clean and my house is in shambles because not only can I not find motivation to do these things, but have been a mental, emotional mess.  My kids have been going through their own adjustment period, and it has been rough.

Well, things are starting to be okay again.  Even though I still seriously lack motivation, at least I am doing better at meeting their needs...at helping them to feel loved and cared for while they're missing their daddy.  I had no idea how much my heart would ache for him every single day, and I'm certain they feel the same.

Deployment sucks.  I admired military wives before, but now that I have truly been broken into military life~I have an even greater respect and admiration for them (especially wives of marines, navy seals, and army-who are consistently separated for months and years at a time).  Wow have I been spoiled. We are doing it though.  Never felt weaker in my capacity to perform my responsibilities. I feel broken without him.  But I am determined to move past it and to succeed while he is away. I have his support and love from a distance.  I have all the support I could dream of here all around me.  And somehow, I'll learn to do well in my calling right now.

Monday, November 11

Rut

I have been in the longest rut of my life (it feels like, anyway).  It started two months before my husband left...and finally, I'm starting to get motivation to do what I need to be doing!  I am actually looking forward to all the projects I have in mind to transform our house (including painting walls, hanging shelves for organization etc.) so that he can come home in five more months to the surprise of his life.  He will also get a brand new baby about a month after he arrives.  Change is good! I will try to remember to take pictures as I go along.  May or may not remember.  But the vision gives me motivation to get my house in order...I am so thankful to be out of that darkness finally.  Stay tuned!

Sunday, October 13

Fall

I am loving fall so far.  We went to a pumpking foods play group a couple days ago~then spent the evening at the balloon fiesta.  Yesterday, I was able to make a large load of freezer meals with my best friend whiler her husband watched my kids.  At least twenty six meals worth.  I am exhausted and a couple of my kids are still fighting bad coughs, so I decided to stay home and rest today.  We've watched a session of general conference, made plans for homemade costumes, and are now sitting and watching a family movie.  And not to forget the highlight of our weekend, we got to skype with Daddy.  It's such a great convenience being able to see his face and hear his voice...and also good to see that he has put on some weight.  You will all know why that is good if you see some of our most recent family pictures.   I wish I had taken some pictures of these fun things~but I find that living in the moment is definitely best.  It's been a blessed week!~I love my family and my life.  At least someone got pictures of our best event this weekend!  He's enjoying it so far.  And interestingly, one of my good friends from Ohio's husband is who my husband is taking over for.  Small military world for sure.