Saturday, June 18


Angela was recently baptised.  She is my spunky, fun-loving, full-of-attitude and zest for life girl.  She is smart, and good at almost anything she tries.  This is her testimony and pictures from the end of April, 2016



My name is Angela.
I am eight years old. I know that God loves me and that He created this earth.  I believe the Church is true, and I hope everyone understands that Jesus did exist! I love Him very much and He is our Savior.












Friday, June 10

Falling Into Place



My marriage has literally come crumbling to the ground in the past two years.  It almost ended a year ago, and again six months ago.

Things needed to change permanently.  I had grown all I could possibly grow in the paradigm we had created, and now I was ready to continue growing in a more healthy direction; and most importantly, WITH my husband, if he was ready and willing to do whatever it took to make it work.  I was done feeling alone in my marriage.

So, everything fell apart.  And yet, looking back, I see that everything was falling into place exactly as it was meant to happen.
The amount of healing and rebuilding that is going on in both of us is nothing short of miraculous.

I have loved my man more than I could imagine ever loving anyone.
I am thankful he chose us.  I will continue to choose him carefully, each day, each hour, and recommit myself to being the best me for us.  I will not take for granted all that we've been through, all that I had to go through in order to learn necessary lessons, in order to become who I am now.  We have a genuinely beautiful marriage today.

It all started with the knowledge that I have the power to make changes within the circumstance that I have been given.
 Praise the Lord, God Almighty for continuing to show me the way each day. It is through His tender care and guidance that we have come this far and will continue to grow hand in hand.
I picked a good one; and his best is coming out more and more.  God is good.  Marriage is great.  And choice/accountability is powerful.
Let us be wise in opening our eyes to our own situations right now...courageous in facing reality head on...and humble in allowing our Father in Heaven and Savior to work their magic through us to repair and rebuild.  What once was lost, now is found.
I am thankful for my life and my marriage right now!

Friday, November 6

Relocation

We have recently relocated to Utah where I grew up.  It has been fascinating to me, having lived in five separate states since marrying my husband, the diversity in people, bugs, animals and weather.  There is truly a distinct culture in each state, and even from city to city.

It usually takes around six months for me to feel that life is going to be alright after a move.  Between the kids melting down, fighting and missing our old home and friends, adjusting to a new climate, elevation and me trying to establish some sort of support system in a new place, those first months are rough on the entire family.

We are five months in, and each of my children have found a friend or two, and have begun to feel comfortable with the neighborhood.  We are surrounded by some great families, and a beautiful place to grow healthy, happy children.  I am thankful for the many answers to prayers I have seen as we have tried to begin settling again.

The most exciting news for me is that I've started back at school for the first in eleven years or so.  Although I have eighty credit hours completed, when I had begun college I switched majors a couple of times, and so, never earned a degree before the adventure of moving all over the US while having baby after baby and attempting to navigate parenthood began.

What an adventure it's been!  I have decided that business administration is the direction I'd like to go as it encompasses a few of my lifelong passions, and will help me to be more well-rounded.  The areas that I've always been a bit clueless in will become known, and practiced and applied through attending business school, and I will be one step closer to my career goals.

Our children are growing, my dreams are beginning to become a reality, and our family has been blessed in more ways than we could ever deserve.  I am thankful for the opportunities that have presented themselves throughout my life at just the right times.  Me going to school has strengthened my marriage, and our family life.  It is exactly what I needed. My testimony is that when we love the Lord with all our hearts, minds, might and strength, then He provides what we need when we need it and more.  He is there for us as His children.  He loves us and wants to see us succeed at whatever we choose to pursue.  When we ask for help, we'd better be ready and willing to accept the answer, then to act upon it. That is the only way He can work in and through us.  As we do this, our wisdom and capacity to do good increases, and we become more and more valuable in His kingdom and purpose.  I love the Lord and  His work.

Wednesday, November 5

Been a While

It has been a great while since I last wrote.  I have had a bigger taste of growth than perhaps I felt prepared for recently…but grateful to be progressing once again. Many happenings as of late.

Emmalee, my baby just turned five months old.  She is not only scooting, but often attempts to crawl~flopping to the ground as she moves forward.  She is a tall, beautiful baby, who thinks a lot and is determined, just as her two year old brother to master everything as quickly as possible.  These little ones seem to come a little more intelligent and strong willed all the time.  My Joshua is an athlete, intelligent beyond his years (all TWO of them--you'd think he was six the way he acts and talks), and persistent in all he does.  My beautiful babies are such a blessing to me and countless others.
Hyrum is learning the reality of increased responsibility as he grows older.  He continues to be an awesome help with the younger children, and around the house, does whatever I ask of him with little complaint.  Virginia is struggling through this eight year old phase, and we have recently realized the cause of much of her hardship.  She has been experiencing partial complex seizures…and now that she has words, and a voice to express what happens, she is experiencing them less frequently and feels much more support than she had previously.  She continues to be well advanced academically and in most areas, and is beginning to outgrow her older brother.
Angela grows more beautiful and adorable with each year.  If she eats chocolate, anxiety gets the best of her, and she begins to think that she doesn't belong in our family.  But most of the time, she seems to LOVE being in our family, and we absolutely couldn't imagine it without her.
Sarah is our happy girl, who seems to always be performing a musical.  She keeps peace being between more high maintenance personalities, but when they've pushed her too far, her temper comes quickly.  She enjoys her music theory class, and Josh and I enjoy learning with her as we practice her homework with her.  Our home is chaotic and out of order, but full of laughter and joy.

I feel that the second coming is near.  We all have a great part in this work.  I have felt the need to do family history, and to dedicate more of my time to helping our ancestors in whatever way I can.  We truly cannot do it without them, as they cannot do it without us.

Other than raising children, and beginning to work on indexing, my husband and I have been blessed in our marriage.  We are realizing more and more that we have been blessed far beyond what we deserve with the children in our home~and want to be doing right by them.  Our responsibility is to prepare them for this world in every way.  That is a big responsibility.  I treasure each moment I get to spend speaking to them of things which are of utmost importance eternally. I marvel at their insight and understanding at such tender ages.  And I pray that I will continue to be guided and strengthened in my endeavors concerning them.  I am so thankful to be their mother.  I am so thankful to have a husband who loves me, supports me in my calling, and is an incredible father. I am thankful for the blessings of the Temple.  How I hope and pray for the spirit of discernment in teaching and training them.  How I know that I have a lot of help here and on the other side in raising them up to be mighty sons and daughters of God, in example and testimony.  How I love my Savior for making this privilege possible.

Thursday, October 16

NOW I GET IT



   All these years of my life, spent neglecting my needs for others' wants.  Doing all I can to meet their needs and more.  A few years back, I began to see myself as just as important for the first time, as anyone else.  And now that I realize that, especially in my marriage, my actions and behaviors have not been in accordance with this new understanding, I am capable of changing.
MY needs are MORE important than his wants, or anyone else's.  I didn't realize how bad things have become until the other day, when I again denied my needs, for the sake of his selfish wants.  I have been contributing to this lifestyle which has left me exhausted, miserable, and lacking a desire to really live.  I had given up on my marriage in my heart, because it was truly not a happy thing for me most of the time.  I embraced instead, motherhood-because naturally, there is a balance there of nurture and discipline, so that everyone is contributing, and we are a unit.

Now I understand.  And if my situation is to change, then I must put my needs as a priority through my actions and responses to him. This problem of mine goes way back to growing up.  I learned as a little girl to please those around me, and through it I felt a sense of control in my unstable world.  But I took it too far for too many years.  I denied myself as an individual of worth so many times, that I completely lost myself.
I remember closing my eyes as a young adult, and not being able to see or understand even a little bit who I was…and being beyond frustrated by that.  I did what my parents wanted me to up to that point…even when I wanted and knew something else was better and the right decision for me, I had not the strength to stand up for myself.
Then, depression hit worse then ever before through marriage and motherhood (and all that comes with it).  Years of therapy, then medication to get my head right-and less tyrannical toward myself.  And now, even though my mind is right, and I have little to no unnecessary negativity toward me, my behaviors are still not corrected.  It helps that I have loved and cared for myself for close to four years now.  My work is not yet done.
My load is too heavy to carry alone anymore.  And my load is really OUR load.  We are a family, not separate entities who share a home.  It is time for me to take responsibility in my contribution to my situation, and do something to change it.

I have seen women like myself.  They have served and taken care of me and my children.  I realized so quickly in those circumstances, how easy it would be to become incredibly selfish.  It was too much. I wanted more than anything to help them to see as clearly as I did that they didn't have to give to this extreme.  They were needing to be taken care of too, and were worth being taken care of.  But they denied their need, and continued giving way too much.  It made me a little sad to know that they truly didn't understand their own worth. Both times I experienced this, they had an exhausted melt down while I was staying with them.., the ones I have come to be so familiar with in my own life because of my own refusal to take time for myself, to rest, to give myself the same tender loving care I give to everyone around me.                          
This treatment is wrong for any daughter of God, including me-including them.  These were clear examples of where I'm headed (both women had experienced really abusive marital relationships), if I don't change my ways.
I can do it, now that I see the problem.  I pray for the Lord's strength to make the changes necessary in my life.